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 On the verge of giving up ;( (currently 1,063 views) |
| MuchAfraid |
| Posted on: October 20th, 2005, 1:59am |
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Hello to all.
I am undoubtedly and horribly guilty of trying to do this all on my own for over a year now. I am a single mom, trying desperately to finish my BSN and homeschool my 12 year old daughter.
We were doing great, and then she went with my grandmother to visit my parents in AZ and since she's returned its'been impossible to catch up.
I sent her down there with all of her materials and DVD's and the promise of my mother to monitor her work and keep it organized. I told her i would GRADE the work when my daughter returned so she didn't have that huge additional responsibility. I mean, I couldn't expect her to jump in and figure out what had taken weeks and weeks for ME adjust to.
Unfortunately, the whole six weeks was a wash. My mom couldn't keep up, couldn't keep track, and apparently gave up trying to make sure her work was being done and just took her word for it.
She came home with tons of stuff missing and nothing accomplished. To make matters worse, with so much of her stuff missing, and ALL of it in disaray, i've been spinning my wheels trying to get her back to her routine... and she has lost all of her hard earned self-discipline. I initially took a semester off so that i could sit though her lessons and walk her through the process and help her keep organized and on track. Worked great. When classes started back up for me, i was able to get her going in the morning, attend classes until around lunch time and then come home and be home with her for the remainder of her "school" day... then attend another class in the evening. NOW, when i come home, she hasn't done a thing, or doesn't have proof of it... Oh, I don't know. I'm overwhelmed with trying to get her back on track during one of the heaviest academic semesters I've ever had.
I am now in the position of having to decide if i need to just put her back in the APS system to ensure she doesn't fall any FURTHER behind, OR reaching out for some help.... i thought i would try asking for help first.
I'm so frustrated and feel like we're both in way over our heads... but still have this strong desire to continue homeschooling.... i have come to the realization, however, that as a single parent, i just cannot do this alone!  Lightbulb
Duh.
Anyone who is willing to talk with me about this would be most awesome.
Time is of the essence as I need to make a decision in the next week or two.
Thanks for even reading this far!
Totally humbled, Lisa
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| Juliana |
| Posted on: October 20th, 2005, 2:22am |
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Dear Lisa,
What type of curriculum are you using? Also, when she's left at home alone does she have access to the internet? I'd be more than happy to chat with you privately. My oldest is a fifteen year old girl and I know all too well the woes of teenage daughters!  Feel free to email me privately at njtomingas@comcast.net or call me at 797-2014.
Juliana |
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Reply: 1 - 8 |
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| LadyJessica |
| Posted on: October 20th, 2005, 4:03am |
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Lisa,
It is hard to know what to say. I obviously am not in your shoes and can't say I have been there. However, I truly do feel that homeschool is the best place for kids. We all face times where we question what we are doing, for whatever reason.
I guess my best advice would be to take it easy with the homeschool work while you get everything back in order. One of the many wonderful things about homeschooling is that you are not held to an exact calendar for your school year. If you miss a week or two more getting everything back on track, you can pick that up in the summer when maybe your school schedule has calmed down. Also, the idea of school going into the summer might be a push to get your daughter moving again. Could you maybe pick up a weekend school day during the school year to help get things back on track?
One thing to keep in mind is that even if your daughter is behind right now, in the long run she should excel over the public school system, if she isn't already. If you put her in public school now, I wouldn't be surprised if she was actually above what they would be teaching her already. I don't know you or your daughter, but I do know that APS is far from where they should be and in the long run, your daughter would probably have more "holes" in her education going to public school than what would be caused by the occasional set backs in homeschooling. There are a lot of wonderful teachers in APS, but unfortunately they have to teach to the center of the class and with a different teacher every year, or as is the case with mid and high school, 6 new teachers every year, it is difficult to expect everything to be covered properly.
Before you make any decisions about this, I would sit down and write out the pros and cons of homeschooling and the alternatives. Especially during a set back, it is important to remember the reasons you decided to homeschool in the first place. Whatever you decide, I wish you the best. Take care. |
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Reply: 2 - 8 |
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| Beth |
| Posted on: October 20th, 2005, 5:28am |
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Lisa,
I was a middle school teacher in my former life, so I have dealt with hundreds of kids your daughter's age. I am now an unschooler, so I can't relate completely, but I sympathize with your struggle.
What I noticed most about your message was that their was no information about your daughter's point of view of all this. Where is she in all this decision making? What are her concerns? It seems to me that any "hard earned self-discipline" can not be regained if it is you and not she who is struggling to change the situation. What would her solution to this problem be? She is old enough to have a say in her own education. Why not unburdon yourself with this massive responsibility by sharing it with the person it affects the most: your daughter.
I will grant you that I believe that a trip to Arizona is a much more valuable educational tool than any book or worksheet. I also conceed that I would place more trust in a grandparent's time spent with their grandchild then in any textbook author's idea of what is important. I would trade any amount of grade-able progress if my daughter could spend that kind of quality time with grandparents and great-grandparents.
I have seen a kid from a traditional educational background miss an entire year of schooling (he underwent chemo) and without "making up the work" join his classmates the following year without a hitch. From my perspective the key would be to trust your daughter to be a part of the decision making process. When people feel in control of their education, they really do learn more. Let your daughter help you, she will be empowered and you will not feel alone.
Let us know how you are doing. I will be thinking of you.
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Reply: 3 - 8 |
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| LadyJessica |
| Posted on: October 20th, 2005, 5:47pm |
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After reading Beth's response, I must add, Jordan has wanted to do so much this year with school work now that I am not forcing her to do it. We focus on the things that she wants to do and learn what we can where we are. Last year I had such a hard time trying to get her to do anything, especially math. This year, she begs to do math. The biggest accomplishment I have seen this year, is her love of learning has returned. It took us taking a break from any "school work" to accomplish this. Even though we have a "classroom" in our home, we spend next to no time in it. It is really more of a storage area and arts and crafts room. Most of our "schooling" takes place outside the home, in the van, at the park, etc.
I must say, because of the custody situation with Jordan, I still worry about where we are at academically more than I'd like. I don't think I will have that issue with any of the boys since I don't have to concern myself with another party's veiw of what they need to receive in "school". I guess there is always someone that will not agree with what you are doing in homeschooling, no matter what you do. What you have to focus on is what is best for your child/ren. Unfortunately in Jordan's case, those that do not agree with our homeschooling share joint custody with us. |
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Reply: 4 - 8 |
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| obiwan |
| Posted on: October 20th, 2005, 6:00pm |
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| All I can say is take a deep breath and reevaluate before giving up. We took three years and did some extensive travel and in those three years there were many times where we fell behind, but only by my own standards. We skipped over alot of the coursework that I knew my kids knew well, and did alot of things orally. As was said before, the great thing about homeschooling is, you are not stuck to a traditonal calendar and it is still early in the year. SG |
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Reply: 5 - 8 |
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| Chell |
| Posted on: October 21st, 2005, 8:32pm |
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Dear Lisa
I wonder if your daughter is also feeling that she is so far behind that no matter what, she just can't catch up? Since it is still early in the year, maybe you both could determine which subjects are most important to you both and work the others back in when things don't feel so stressful.
What I do with my son (14) when I work 2 mornings a week is give him reading assignments in subjects that I know interest him. Sometimes I ask him to do something with it or not. When I am home in the afternoon we go over it and work together. I try not to give too much independent work that leaves him feeling alone and overloaded. (He works well independently, but I think he feels more positive about it knowing I'm there if he has a question). We have also talked at length about how his interests can take him into different careers when he gets older. This is also a way of helping him see the importance of learning the subjects he struggles with.
Think about her routine and yours. She is readjusting from 6 weeks away from home. I know my kids just can't get it together when their routine has not been in effect for whatever reason for an extended period of time. I also have to agree that letting your daughter have imput about her education is very important and the time she spent with her grandparents is very valuable too.
Chell |
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Reply: 6 - 8 |
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| classicallearners |
| Posted on: October 23rd, 2005, 12:26am |
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HANG IN THERE!
It can feel so overwhelming sometimes, but please know that they never finish books and always repeat in school so a couple of weeks will not make a big difference. Youc an give her a little extra each day to catch up if you like?
If you are re-evaluating your curriculum there are some very helful self learning programs that might interest you. Alsom what helped us was to focus on the basics. We got to the point that we realized memorizing fast and such were a wast of time, focussing on English and Math and letting the other subjects fall into place helped.
Also switche dons chool house has a computer school that might inerest you, some love it, some don't. Curriculum can be tricky , but it will make it easier to learn your childs learning style. SUch as Sonlight for a book lover, Alpha Omega for a work book lover, Unit studies for hands on learners etc.
I hope you can find the help you need and can feel more comfortable with your choices......
Hugs
Tina |
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Reply: 7 - 8 |
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| MuchAfraid |
| Posted on: October 25th, 2005, 8:43pm |
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THANK YOU SO MUCH TO ALL!!!
I was so stressed out when i wrote that i'm sorry i didn't make some things clear.
My daughter is on the ABEKA curriculum, Program !, which is accredited... and as such DOES have a very strict time table.
Her work for the year is due next month, and we're nearly 12 weeks behind.
I can ask for an extension, for an additional $300, which may as well be $3000 b/c i just do not have the money right now.
my daughter LOVED the homeschooling when we were on track, and felt priveleged, albeit did feel like she was missing out on some stuff when her public school friends would discuss school ( discuss the very things that make me NOT want her in that environment!! ) ... they all have "boyfriends" and are more concerned with being popular than they are about their education. I know all this is "normal"... but what is normal isn't neccessarily what is good.
She is frustrated, and torn about whether she wants to continue... and this curriculum is very challenging even when we ARE on track.
I am weighing everybody's comments and suggestions... am SOOOOOO grateful for them, and am also attempting to have her enrolled at a local private school... they have a scholarship available, are using the same curriculum so she already has all the textbooks, and have sports programs etc.
the only downfall would be that i truly ENJOY this time with her and love watching and participating in her education. It has been so rewarding and such a blessing it will be very difficult to give up.
I am so afraid of her falling behind, and am so unfamiliar with the state laws etc., that i feel pressed to make an immediate decision... at least for the ramainder of this year.
I should have reached out for support and connected with other moms a long time ago.
Any future comments / suggestions will be equally gratefully received, as the fat lady has not sung as yet.
thanks again to all of you.
And in particular for Beth's comment... i wouldn't have allowed her to go if i didn't believe it would be a valuable experience, and i wouldn't have allowed her to stay if i didn't continue to believe that. I agree that she should have a say in her education, but differ in the view that it should be her sole decision. She has no clue about the local public school academia, and honestly, at having just turned 12 isn't ready for the responsibility of making desicions that will affect the rest of her adult life. If it were up to her, she'd hang out with her friends all day and talk about boys. I DO apprectiate your comment, and it did make me decide to really sit down and speak with her about all of this ... ... ... AGAIN. whew. Thanks again Beth, and take care. ;O)
Juliana... i will take you up on your offer and give you a call. |
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