I am not certain what this post is in response to. I have been off the internet for couple of days. I apologize for any hurt feelings you may have experienced. I assure that no one in this group would desire to offend you. I am certain that all in this group have great respect for you; I, for one, am glad I am not in your shoes. I am in awe of you, and I find myself wondering how I would cope. I guess I'd just do it, as there would not be an option.
I believe that any concerns expressed have been due to the responsibility that each of us feel to keep our children safe. It would be irresponsible for us to knowingly expose our children to someone who could harm them. In a domestic setting, parents can, in fact, lose their children to CYFD custody, due to failure to their protect. A parent has a legal and moral repsonsibility to keep their children from harm. Toddlers, as the vast majority of our children are, are fully dependent on their parents for protection.
In your posting, you stated,
"His behavior problems can be very violent at times. He is very tall and large for his age which gives him the extra strength to bulldoze someone down. We have been taught to restrain him as needed which can be daily at times. Although watching it can be distressing to some people, I've learned that not restraining can be worse."
You may have been taught to restrain him, but I know enough about children to know that great harm can be done in the blink of an eye....faster than anyone could move to restrain him. If he is very big for his age, with the ability to bulldoze smaller children, what would he possibly do to my little guy or to any of the petite little girls in the group?
Just as a responsible parent would not take their child to a home where it is known that someone has small box, a responsible parent can not take their children where their flesh and/or bones may be harmed, possibly fatally, by violence.
I feel for you. I lost a brother to bi-polar manic depression. There were times that he frightened those around him. For this reason, there were times that we, as a family, had to do all we could to prevent him from going to certain social settings. It was very difficult, seeing as he was an adult with legal rights. My little brother would sometimes stay up the entire night playing chess with him, just to keep him from leaving the house in the middle of the night. My father had to bail him out of jail, time and time again, for minor infractions,...anywhere from Malibu, CA to the small towns in Wyoming and Texas. I was frequently treated differently in social settings than others were...because I was his sister. Because of what I experienced, I can, to some degree, relate to your anguish.
At the same time, I understand the responsiblity that parents have to keep their children safe. I would not bring my children to an event where I knew there was a child who could, without any notice, break my child's neck.
Have you looked into support from The National Alliance for the Mentally Ill? It isn't just for those who are ill; it is a support group for their families as well. You may check to see if there is an active chapter in the area. They may have a support group for mothers of young children with mental illness.
I greatly admire your courage, and I appreciate your honesty.