It has come to my attention that my honesty with this group about my children has caused my family to be unwelcome members here. I find that to be a sad hurtful thing to do to our family if those of you who voiced such concerns would stop and think about it. Every child in this group has at one time or another gotten into a tizzy with another child and to not allow my children to interact with yours based on the words I have spoken is sad and racist towards children with mental disablities. I am a active member in the New Mexico Homeschooling group and no one has ever had a problem with me or my kids. I throughly enjoy talking with members of this group who I have daily email letters from which is why I am not walking away from this group. Amazing how many of you chat with me, and yet someone I don't know that has never met our family can judge so quickly. Whomever it is please speak up so that I can deal with this injustice quickly.

Thank you

Jennifer,

I am not certain what this post is in response to.  I have been off the internet for couple of days.  I apologize for any hurt feelings you may have experienced.  I assure that no one in this group would desire to offend you.  I am certain that all in this group have great respect for you; I, for one, am glad I am not in your shoes.  I am in awe of you, and I find myself wondering how I would cope.  I guess I'd just do it, as there would not be an option.

I believe that any concerns expressed have been due to the responsibility that each of us feel to keep our children safe.  It would be irresponsible for us to knowingly expose our children to someone who could harm them.  In a domestic setting, parents can, in fact, lose their children to CYFD custody, due to failure to their protect.  A parent has a legal and moral repsonsibility to keep their children from harm.  Toddlers, as the vast majority of our children are, are fully dependent on their parents for protection.

In your posting, you stated,

"His behavior problems can be very violent at times. He is very tall and large for his age which gives him the extra strength to bulldoze someone down. We have been taught to restrain him as needed which can be daily at times. Although watching it can be distressing to some people, I've learned that not restraining can be worse."

You may have been taught to restrain him, but I know enough about children to know that great harm can be done in the blink of an eye....faster than anyone could move to restrain him.  If he is very big for his age, with the ability to bulldoze smaller children, what would he possibly do to my little guy or to any of the petite little girls in the group?

Just as a responsible parent would not take their child to a home where it is known that someone has small box, a responsible parent can not take their children where their flesh and/or bones may be harmed, possibly fatally, by violence.  

I feel for you.  I lost a brother to bi-polar manic depression.  There were times that he frightened those around him.  For this reason, there were times that we, as a family, had to do all we could to prevent him from going to certain social settings.  It was very difficult, seeing as he was an adult with legal rights.  My little brother would sometimes stay up the entire night playing chess with him, just to keep him from leaving the house in the middle of the night.  My father had to bail him out of jail, time and time again, for minor infractions,...anywhere from Malibu, CA to the small towns in Wyoming and Texas.  I was frequently treated differently in social settings than others were...because I was his sister.  Because of what I experienced, I can, to some degree, relate to your anguish.

At the same time, I understand the responsiblity that parents have to keep their children safe.  I would not bring my children to an event where I knew there was a child who could, without any notice, break my child's neck.

Have you looked into support from The National Alliance for the Mentally Ill?  It isn't just for those who are ill; it is a support group for their families as well.  You may check to see if there is an active chapter in the area.  They may have a support group for mothers of young children with mental illness.

I greatly admire your courage, and I appreciate your honesty.

-Kari

Thank you. Yes I understand about keeping children safe, I for one took my daughter out of public school because of other children hitting her because she could not stick up for herself. It was sad seeing her cringe around other children and no child should ever feel threated. To that effect I am very careful about where my children go, who they play with and the like. In retrospect I should not of ever written what I wrote about my son as I was having a bad day and was venting as I had to explain that day once again to my son's counsler. My son is on meds that keep his moods under control (as much as any 4 year old on most days) and he has a very friendly outgoing personality as well. If you were to meet him on the street you would never even know he had a problem on most days other than his speech it's very good. I am a member of serveral state run groups for children that have speical needs as well. My son is no more threat to your kids as yours are to mine. Both my children play with the kids from Abq homeschooling co-op and have had no problems with any of them. Which was my point. A few of the members of this group are concerned my son is a threat. If he was a threat (like he was without his meds over a year ago) then he wouldn't be able to play with his sister everyday. On meds he is a good kid, off his meds he is much harder to handle. I love my kids dearly but I would not of wanted to join this group if I had thought for one moment that I son would be a threat to any of your children. I ran a speical ed classroom for 3 years before I had my son, I am very aware of all the day to day details. I never meant to worrry any of the parents in this group, I only meant to vent but forgot to whom I was venting to it seems. All of you have had bad days with your kids. I do too. I hope this helps to clear up some of the confusion.

I have started a group for speical needs children being homeschooled here in New Mexico in hopes to have a place where others can understand the ups and downs that my family and others families like mine go through everyday. This doesn't mean I want to be around ONLY speical needs children, so I am going to comtinue being a part of the homeschooling groups I am already a member of.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/NMspeicalneedshomeschooling/

Jennifer, I've emailed you privately, but I also want to say here that I have great admiration and respect for you and your husband for working so hard to care for your two little ones.

As I mentioned, you're always welcome to stay on this message board, even if you're not a member of the co-op. If you decide, as you had suggested to me, that you would like to start a homeschooling special needs group in Albuquerque, you can use this board to look for members. I would also be happy to create a new board on this forum for you and your members to use. Let me know if I can help.

A few minutes later: Looks like I posted this right after you posted your reply. I see that you already set up a forum for your new group. Good luck with it.

Thank you Elizabeth for the offer of the forum, I did start another group sometime before you offered but again thank you for the offer. I will still be a part of this message board as there are good ideas posted here and alot of good people as well. I just think that having a group that deals with the speical needs of our children and others out there that want to chat about and give ideas to is something that is missing here in New Mexico. Although I am a member of a national group, I miss not having something a little closer to home Any of you that have speical needs children are welcome to join and I expect after a alittle while we'll start to do some activities amoung other things as well. There's alot of us out there and I'm just wanting to bring us alittle closer together for support.

Thank you again